Here’s the craziest song on “Slow Nights. Fast Food.”
I wrote this song to be one long innuendo. I had this great beat and I knew I couldn’t do anything ordinary to it. I decided I wanted to write something that would turn heads and get people wondering just what I was talking about. Even the title “Don’t Make Me Jerk This” makes you think right off the bat that I’m talking about Big Hush #2, right? I knew from the get-go I wanted to write a song about my 12-gauge shotgun. At the time, it was brand new and I love that thing. If you know my discography then you may remember I did the same thing right after getting my Glock 23. I love guns and being a gun owner, so I’m always excited to rap about my babies.
Originally I had written and recorded this entire track minus two key details: The shotgun pump sound at the beginning, and the word “pump” in the hook. Yeah, at the last second I decided to give it all away and let you know from the start that I’m talking about a shotgun. Otherwise all you would’ve had were the suggestive lyrics that make it pretty obvious by the end, but still left the song open for interpretation. This track is one big warning that if anything happens that requires me to use this shotgun on someone, then I’ll use the hell out of it. Hopefully that day will never come.
BTW my favorite moment is when I say “Where do you hide it?” It’s the most ridiculous half-Stallone sounding voice, and I had no idea it would come out that way. I just jumped up to the mic and had to create a voice on the fly, that was it. Makes me laugh every time. This song gets me hype and I love blasting it (pun intended) in my truck. I hope y’all get a kick out of it too.
Lyrics:
(Chorus)
Please don’t make me jerk this! Pump!
Please don’t make me jerk this! Pump!
Please don’t make me jerk this!
Cuz if I jerk this then I’ll work this til it’s worthless
Please don’t make me jerk this! Pump!
Please don’t make me jerk this! Pump!
Please don’t make me jerk this!
Cuz if I jerk this then I’ll work this til it’s worthless
(Verse 1)
It’s heavy and it’s long and ready to get it on
Gotta hold it with two hands until the load’s gone
Leavin’ everything laid with a splatterin’ blast
And I can pump-pump-pump-pump pump it real fast
But I don’t want to jerk it if I got another option
Or open this up like a flower that blossoms
If you come into my house and were not announced
Then don’t be lookin’ like you’re shocked when I’m whippin’ it out
Down South. Somethin’ like a pistol when I grip
You’ll be starin’ at the tip pointed outta my hip
See when a girl sees this she’ll be gettin’ excited
All the guys get jealous, ask “Where do you hide it?”
If I’m jerkin’ on it guaranteed I’ll go a few rounds
But if someone’s there in front of me they better go down
That’s the way it’s gotta be but please don’t get me pullin’ this
It’s gonna be hot when I stop “Who’s coolin’ it?!”
I’ll do it by myself if nobody else helps
And you know what they say, you don’t get used to the smell
A bell ringin’, loud singin’, tense turn of events
The kind of thing to have you leavin’ with a couple of vents
So c’mon, I’m beggin’ you, I mean I’m really, truly beggin’ you…
(Chorus)
(Verse 2)
If I’ve gotta pull it out then I’ll be workin’ hard
Til it’s empty like a fat boy with a cookie jar
Far from what I wanted but not another choice
So somethin’ in the room is about to get moist
It’s only happenin’ at home only place that I’ll touch it
Cuz hey, I can’t handle this thing in public
Less I wanna get a problem from all the callin’ of cops
So my front door is proly where that oughtta be stopped
No block goin’ on if the action’s happenin’
And I gotta do the dirt, not an act of passion
Bein’ fast and rough or maybe huff and puff
The blood pressure and the heart beat firin’ up
You get enough of nothin’, I don’t do it, I’m hurtin’
Either I’ll be gettin’ blown or I’m doin’ the jerkin’
I can reach it in the bed do the one-hand tug
And let loose with a spread or deliver a slug
It ain’t love when it comes to the 12-gauge motion
Dry hand on it but it’s smooth as lotion
There’s a lot of y’all there wanna raise some cain
But I’ll let you know now, I don’t play that game
So c’mon, I’m beggin’ you, I mean I’m really, truly beggin’ you
(Chorus)